1989- born into a cat slum.
1994- cut down the Christmas tree in my best friend's yard and give it to homeless people.
1995- form vicious all-female gang called the "Glitter Kitties" which is broken up after two months. Try to run it from "time out" in the principle's office but after I find God, I choose to disband the gang and take off to study as a nun in Mongolia, where I own a pet goat named Dennis. He dies of Cholera, and I head back to the United States, heartbroken and alone. I forever denounce God for taking Dennis from me.
1997- go to New York to be an actress on Broadway, which leads to a fiery romance with Woody Allen. He claims I will be his next muse, but I leave him when I find that he is cheating on me with his wife and step daughter.
1998- i go to Japan to save my younger brother from the brutal Triad Gang which has inducted him into their ranks.
1999- See my own face on a milk carton in a school cafeteria. Find that my parents aren't my real parents and in fact are kidnappers who took me from a mall when I was a baby. Embark on existential journey to find my real parents. End up addicted to heroin and working at a club in Las Vegas as an "escort".
2002- i kill a man on a lonely highway in Russia, and vow never to tell a soul.
2003- take a jell-o shot off George H. W. Bush's stomach.
2004- live among the Zuni people in Mexico to study them. End up stealing their recipes for medicinal herbs and marketing them in the United States, making a small fortune (almost immediately spending it all on heroin and toothpaste).
2005 - give birth to a child who is born an old man and ages backwards. I think he is icky so I leave him on a doorstep in New Orleans.
later 2005- I join the cast of Gossip Girl for 2 seasons.
2007-I am molested by my 3 year old nephew.
2008- I kill a pregnant mother deer and save its baby with my bare hands. I raise it as my own until it began to resent me, at which point I sell it to a Texas meat market.
2009 (present day)- I win the Kid's Choice Awards for the 4th time!
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