Maureen's Tea Party

Maureen was having a tea party. She invited two of her friends.

Denise arrived first.

“Why, hello Denise, thank you for coming over to tea!” said Maureen.

“Of course, Maureen, thank you for inviting me. Who else is coming to our little gathering?”

“Miss Marsicova, who lives next door, is supposed to come. You met her last time.”

“Oh perfect, perfect. I meant to get her scone recipe from her! So I guess now’s my chance.”

“You’ve got to grab life by the porcelain handle, Denise.”

“I’ll drink to that. What are we having today?

“I just brewed a steaming pot of earl grey.”

“Lovely. The Earl is one of my favorites.”

“Yes, yes. Mine too. But then you know, I got to thinking, shouldn’t we have something to spice it up a little?"

“My, aren’t you crafty!”

“So I looked in the cupboard: sugar, cinnamon… All quite typical things. Then I looked in the drink cupboard, and there was a little more to look at: some wine, some fine old merlot, some rum and some absinthe!”


“So I popped the absinthe and added some of that to the earl grey. Then I put in some of the rum just to give it smart flavor. It gives it a kick, you know? “

“How exotic!”

“Then I thought, why stop there? There are more cupboards in my house. Like my medicine cupboard. That’s a thing!”

“It certainly is!”

“So I peeped in the medicine cabinet and what do I see but there’s some cough syrup and sixty or so vicadin tablets I was prescribed back when I got my knee surgery.”

“Oh my, yes, I remember!

“So I put the cough syrup in the earl grey.”

“All of it?”

“Yes. All of it. And I crushed up some of the vicadin pills, just a few handfuls, and dissolved those in the tea.”


“I think it really fazes us, you know, drinking the same stinky old tea all the time. Keeps things so bland… You know? We should always customize everything.”

“I completely agree, Maureen. That’s one thing I’ve always admired about you. You’re not afraid to get a little crazy once and a while. “

There was a knock at the door.

“Yoooo-Hoooo!” a voice called. “Anybody home?”

It was Mrs. Marsicova.

“It is Mrs. Marsicova!” said Maureen.

“Sorry I’m late!” Mrs. Marsicova said. “I had to put the dogs inside and you know pugs, they’re such little bitches, just sniffing around the yard and won’t hear a word I say. Florence is just about deaf nowadays – why hello Denise! Lovely to see you again. How are you?”

“I am splendid. Won’t you sit?” said Denise.

“Yes, yes, please have a seat. Let me pour you a cup of tea!” said Maureen.

“Oh thank you! How delightful, what are we having?” asked Mrs. Marsicova.

“Earl Grey!” said Maureen.

“I love earl Grey!” said Mrs. Marsicova.

Maureen poured her some tea.

“There you are, it might be a bit hot.”

“Oh no this is just fine. Thank you.”

She sipped.

Denise said, “You know, Mrs. Marsicova, I had been meaning to ask you for the recipe of the scones you brought last time. They were simply delicious, and I have been telling everyone about them – I don’t quite understand how you got that orangey flavor so pure.”

“Did you puree orange peel?” asked Maureen.

“Did you use some kind of extract?” asked Denise.

“What’s your secret? Is it a secret recipe?” asked Maureen.

Mrs. Marsicova was silent.

“Hmmm… perhaps Mrs. Moriscova isn’t feeling well? Mrs. Moriscova? Are you ok?” asked Denise.

Mrs. Marsicova was even more silent. Silenter.

“Well I’ll be! This is just so unlike her to sit at a tea table, at a proper gathering, with her face flat on the table, in complete silence! Why, she’s acting quite peculiar. I’m not sure I like it,” said Maureen.

“No, I don’t like it one bit. Whatever happened to manners? Have we forgotten them completely?” said Denise.

“No, darling, we have not,” said Maureen. “Would you care for some tea?”

“Yes, yes, thank you very much.”

“Of course!”

They clinked their cups together.

They sipped.

“Gah! Would you look at that, Mrs. Moriscova has stopped breathing!” exclaimed Maureen.

“How rude!” said Denise.

“How terribly, terribly rude!” said Maureen.

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