What I'm Pretty Sure Mothers and Their Children Say to One Another

Child: Mommy, is a cow-lick called that because a cow licked my head and I don’t remember because I was too little? And now my hair sticks up all funny?

Mother: Yes.

Child: What? Seriously?! I was just trying to be cute!

Mother: Nope. You were right. I held you by a cow’s mouth when you were an infant and it licked your hair. There you go, are you fucking happy now?

Child (through tears): Noooo!

Mother: Stop crying, child!

Child (through snot and more tears): Give me a popsicle!

Mother: Whoa, where did that even come from? I don’t have a popsicle! Please can we stop this, it’s getting really old!

Child: No! We are going to do this relentlessly until you get really old and geriatric and are asking me for a popsicle!

Mother (sticking paper towel to child’s face to absorb snot/tears): Eh… Alright.

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