Where The Flouncy Shirt People Stare

Today I walked into this store in my hometown thats full of old ladyish stuff (flouncy shirts, big hats, fake flowers). I guess I go in just to make sure old ladies still like flouncy shirts (what if they stopped liking them??). Every business and car in Sonora plays the same radio station, where this guy tells you about your health and God and whats up with youth culture between playing Three Doors Down and Kelly Clarkson. In fact, sometimes when people here open their mouths, you just hear that station. Of course you try to turn it off by pressing their nose but that just makes it louder.
So there I was, staring at some weird big pants (thank god, old ladies still like weird big pants) and the radio man said that kids these days are biting each other and spreading all sorts of dirty little kid diseases and rabies because they are watching twilight and think its sexy to bite each other. The old lady at the register (flouncy shirt, big pants) just started staring right at me, as if I was one of the biters.
"Biting each other! I've never heard of such a thing!" she gasped.
Suddenly I understood, looking at all the big ridiculous scarves and ponchos in the store (old ladies love scarves and big ridiculous ponchos) and it dawned on me that the flounce-people are obviously hiding something and probably everybody has rabies or some strain of bird flu. But worst of all - very worst - is the radio man, up in his castle with Clay Aiken, telling everybody that children are vampires. What is he hiding? (besides clay,) WHAT IS HE HIDING??!

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