Brian, open the door.

Hey Brian, pull over - looks like this guy's got some trouble with his bike. Yeah looks like he dented his tire and his paint job is kinda messed up. Maybe he needs a lift or something. Hmm... is he okay? Is he napping? He looks really tired. He didn't even take off his helmet. Haha, and he doused himself in gatorade - what an all-star! Aw cute, what kind of dog is that he's got with him? A bloodhound? A mastiff? Man, he's huge, he's as big as a bear! Look, Brian! Isn't that dog seriously the size of a bear?
Wow. God, I think I'd be a little nervous if I had a dog that big. But it looks like he's just sorta playing with him, huh? Just rollin' him around on the ground like that. Hey I've got an idea, why don't we go see if the dog knows any tricks? Here, I'll put some bacon in my pocket and I'll just step out and kinda walk towards him and look right directly into his eyes.
Brian, open the door.

(*art = an original sketch for this article)

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