Keep Bateman Weird

Some notes:

  • I am back from my trip! It was a success. I will probably be more specific on that later.
  • I have a tumblr now: http://halliebateman.tumblr.com/
  • I have too much blogspot loyalty to replace you, blogspot, so I have decided to pit my tumblr against my blogspot and see what happens. I will post different things in each one. Almost like I have a split personality. Or 2 of the same vaguely annoying personality. Yay!
  • blogspot is better though
  • pause

Now, a short story:

My dad is writing a column about our christmas "tree" - a manzanita - and tonight he needed to take a picture to go with the article. I volunteered not only to be in the picture, but to dress as The Holy Christmas Spirit to make the picture more interesting. I was dressed stunningy in red velvet and green frills, with heavy rouge on my cheeks, grinning hugely. Drool didn't come out, but it would have if I hadn't been tilting my head back and to the side. I forced Murphy, our comically handsome golden retriever, practically a satirical dog, to pose with me as I hung a Christmas ornament of a hideous witch ("where did this even come from?") on the peg of our manzanita christmas tree.

{Manzanitas are actually bushes, I think. but they don't exactly have branches, kindof just twizzly pegs.}

Anyway, my mom was off to the side, watching this whole spectacle with a concerned, slightly disapproving expression. "I don't know if it's a good idea to have this in the paper..." she said.
My dad and I stopped laughing and looked at her.
"Seriously, mom?!" I shouted, dropping the poinsettia flowers I had been cradling in my free arm. "Are you worried about how our family might look?"
Nick walked in and backed me up: "What are you talking about? This is great, mom! She embodies everything that Christmas should be! What better place than dad's column would this picture belong?"
Secretly I thought ten or twelve billboards scattered prominently around the county might be better, but I held my tongue.

My mom stayed quiet for the rest of the photoshoot, but the damage was done. Hours later, still mulling over her comment and the prospect of our family being anything but proud of our eccentricities, I was prompted to visit a make-your-own bumper sticker website, where I prepared this design:

I'm still thinking it over. I don't know if I'm ready to click "check out" and have my stickers made. I mean, did it even work for Portland? Or were the bumper stickers just a sign of The End?


  1. Keep X Weird started in *Austin, Texas*. Portland borrowed it. It even says so on WIKIPEDIA, the King Solomon of internet arguments.

    1. I knew this guy named Austin once. He was really weird, not exactly in a good or bad way, just kindof weird. All he ever ate were funyuns. That kindof thing.
      Anyway everyone thought he was alright, "just kindof a weirdo" until he made this big hullabaloo and insisted that he was the "ORIGINAL weirdo", as if he started the whole "being weird" thing.
      Everyone pretty much hated him after that.