hallie tries to be a store artist

I am sitting in my bedroom surrounded by garbage, as usual, so I start to cut up some paper bags and arrange the bits and pieces to make little characters. It is really fun and soon I cannot stop.  

I call my friend Alice on the pay phone down the street (I do not have a phone. Another detail is that I was wearing a bathrobe at the time.) 
"BRING ME MORE WHOLE FOODS BAGS!" I demand. Alice works at Whole Foods.

Alice refuses but I plead miserably. I think she finally agrees because she imagines me sitting on a pile of trash, crying. I'm not sure why that would change her mind, though. That's what I do like every Saturday night. 

Alice comes over with the grocery bags, and sees me all sprawled out gluing things, and getting glitter and paper scraps all over myself. 
"you should really get a job, Hallie" she says. 
I make a scoffing noise.
"You know, Whole Foods is hiring a new Store Artist. You should apply!"

"THAT'S IT!" I scream. Immediately, corn on the cob begins to turn in my head. I will win the position of 'store artist' by winning the hearts of the store managers. I will bring them my colorful garbage-collages, dripping with glue, and they will hire me on the spot, I won't even have to fill out an application - I'll just become the store artist! I'll get the meaningful duty of making paper mache fruits and vegetables to sell to the puppets who shop at Whole Foods.

Jump to 2 weeks later: I've gone through 2 interviews and it's down to me and a few others. They ask me to draw an avocado on a chalk board and do some other stuff. I am really tired and find myself talking about pirates in the interview, and I don't even try to convince them that I'm an organized person. My sloppy collages sit on the table in front of us. 

Needless to say, I do not get the job. But I am resilient:.
"Back to the ole' trash heap!" I say, hitching up my patched overalls and grinning. 
I never set foot in Whole Foods again. I'm a Trader Joe's kind of gal.


  1. Oh those WF idiots.... They can't stop you from being a store artist - you obviously ALREADY ARE. Trader J's deserves you, WF clearly does NOT. Onward.